Yes, I know: everything we hold dear about our nation is being flushed down the toilet, and I’m asking you to read about yoga pants.
Maybe because I’m so overwhelmed with the Bannon-puppet Trump and the rest of the GOP that I can’t sustain a cohesive argument without ending up in all caps. Or maybe this is connected. Bear with me, and we’ll find out.
A friend of mine recently shared a photo he snapped of alt-right (yes, I hate that term too) protestors at a chocolate fair. (You read that right: protestors at a chocolate fair—this is how we know there’s something supremely wrong with their perception: Who protests chocolate? Backward people, that’s who.)
The sign he held up, listing off all the kinds of people who will be spending eternity in fire and damnation, isn’t new; I’ve seen it on social media before, and my friends and I always joke that we’ll be having a great party in hell together.
On this list are homos (I’m assuming he means -sexual, not sapiens, but honestly, I’m not sure), feminists, porn freaks, pot smokers, atheists (okay, guys, atheists are NOT scared by threats of hell—however, we might cower into submission if you send in the clowns), thugs, yoga pants, cutters, Muslims, witches, idolaters, and masturbators. (And let’s take a moment to appreciate that they finally figured out how to use Spell Check.)
Oh, he’s also wearing a shirt that says, “This is what patriarchy looks like.” Yes, dude, we know. We’re very familiar with patriarchy and all its incarnations. You’re a patriarchist. Got it.
But back to yoga pants.
My friend approached the guy, looked at the sign, and asked, “Yoga pants?” The man responded, “DRESSING LIKE WHORES!”
And this is why I’m writing.
I don’t believe that patriarchists have any trouble with women wearing clothes that patriarchists see as too revealing—that is, “dressing like whores.” If they did, there’s a long list of clothing articles that should also be there: mini-skirts, plunging v-necks, crop tops, tank tops, leggings, thigh-high boots, spandex body suits…
Or they could just put “whores” on the list. That would be more succinct. But they don’t.
Because they like whores.
Patriarchists define women solely by their sexuality in relation to men—virgins, wives, and whores. And they have a use for each one of these categories.
But women in yoga pants? Well, a woman wearing yoga pants is doing one of two things (or perhaps both): (1) doing something solely for herself, for her own well-being, and/or (2) not giving a shit about whether or not random dudes want to fuck her.
AND THERE IS THE SIN.
A woman in yoga pants sees the value in self-care and, thus, likely sees herself as being a full and equal human being.
For patriarchists, this is a sin.
A woman in yoga pants is expending her energy on prioritizing what’s important to her. She is giving her care to what she loves and values. She alone defines herself and shapes her life according to her own self-determination and goals.
For patriarchists, this too is a sin.
A woman in yoga pants isn’t living her life for you.
In fact, if we go back to that list, every group of people on there (and many of us fall into multiple categories…because we’re awesome) lives according to their own values, priorities, sexual identities and preferences, avenues for pleasure, and modes of empowerment. And none of these is being done in service and subservience to white, cisgender, heterosexual, Christian males.
If you are a patriarchist, and someone who is not white, cisgender, heterosexual, Christian, and male DARES to make their way through their own life freely and autonomously and—worst of all—without a care for your indignation brought on by their insubordination, then you know what you have to do: Tell them they’re going to hell. Eternal damnation. Fire. Demons. Torture. Clowns. (I just threw that last one in there—I don’t recall clowns being mentioned in any canonical descriptions of hell.)
Keep this in mind when we talk about white supremacy, Muslim bans, racial discrimination, defunding reproductive services and ending guarantees for access to women’s healthcare, and on and on and on. EVERYTHING Trump (aka Bannon) and the GOP are doing has one, overarching goal:
To reinstate themselves at the top of the chain of power, and to put the rest of us back in our places—in subservience to them and them only.
I don’t know about you, but I’m going to go stock up on yoga pants, and I’m going to wear them Every. Fucking. Day.
This is what equality looks like.